Whose Job Is It, Anyway?

The following dialog between two mothers is worth sharing. First mother: “How do you get Benjamin (age 6) to keep his room so orderly? I feel like all I do is pick up, pick up, pick up.” Second mother: “I used to pick up, but not anymore. I came to the realization that Benjamin was overwhelmed. He literally did not know how to go about cleaning his room because there was so much ‘stuff’ in it. So, I cleared out his room and only left one large item, a few books, a couple of board games, and three or four toys. Everything else was put in bags or boxes and placed out of sight until time to rotate. I've noticed that he selects an activity more quickly and stays with it longer because his choices are limited. We rotate items every few weeks with him participating in the rotation process. Trust me, it has made life so much easier. He actually likes keeping his room orderly and has shown more responsibility in other areas."

Adults often don’t realize how easily children can become overwhelmed. The second mother "got it." She "got it" and also took steps to solve the problem. When parents tell a young child to clean up, the child may not understand what that looks like in practical terms. Without showing children how something is to be done and requiring active participation, how can we, as adults, expect them to understand? While the specific scenario above involved children failing to put away items in their room, it actually reflects a broader issue: Children today are increasingly failing to assume personal responsibility, whether for their actions or behavior.

Parents are not the only ones concerned. The closing of schools during the 2020 Covid pandemic hugely impacted our nation's children and youth. I asked several teachers to share their biggest challenges after returning to the classroom. All responses focused on the same problem: Students do not assume an appropriate level of responsibility. Teachers are also spending an inordinate amount of time on social and life skills. Below are some comment’s that were shared:

• “For quite some time we had to eat lunch in the classroom due to Covid guidelines. I noticed the students would simply toss their trash onto the floor, stuff it inside their desk or leave it and walk off. It didn’t occur to them that it was their responsibility to clean up after themselves.”

• “The children don’t listen. I literally have had to teach listening skills. Many students have no clue as to what focused listening is. Often, when I ask a student a question, I have to repeat it because their first response is either, “Uh?" or “What?”

• “So many of my students simply don’t do the work assigned. One day, after explaining to them that they were at school to learn and that the work must be done, a student asked, “But, why?”

• “We work on manners daily. Holding the door for someone, saying please, thank you and excuse me, offering to help someone else, taking turns. You name it, we are having to work on it. It takes up instructional time, but they haven’t gotten it and it’s important.”

The above observations are particularly concerning because the types of behaviors cited (picking up after oneself, listening, being responsible for completing tasks, demonstrating basic manners) should be instilled by parents during the developmental phase that occurs between a child's second and third birthday.

Though the first two years of life are critical in terms of parents meeting the physical and emotional needs of children, by age two the focus must shift to helping children understand that they are no longer to be “served” but are now old enough to learn “to serve.” One of the best means of fostering a sense of service, personal responsibility, and family pride is by assigning children age-appropriate daily chores. Family chores were the norm in generations past. Today, many children have no assigned chores at all. Chores promote self-discipline, time management, and respect for property; attributes that are key to success in school and life. Requiring active participation with household chores sends an important message to children that they are capable, valued members of the family; a message that can be powerfully beneficial to a child's overall development.

Currently, the decline in personal accountability in our country is unbridled. Schools are carrying the burden of trying to teach students who are not adequately prepared to learn. Instilling in children the importance of personal responsibility and accountability needs to begin early in a child's life and must start at home. It's past time to sound the alarm! As a society, we cannot, and should not, expect teachers to do that which is fundamentally the job of parents.