While conducting a series of parenting presentations at a preschool, a mother shared her frustration about her children’s eating habits. Her frustration centered around the fact that her children always seem to be hungry. “With the refrigerator right there, they literally eat all the time,” she lamented. I likened her description of her children’s eating habits to cows grazing all day in a pasture! The mother stated that, because of her children’s constant eating, they often picked at their food at mealtime or simply did not eat at all. Several other parents nodded their heads, confirming that they were experiencing similar issues.
During my childhood, my siblings and I were not allowed to go to the refrigerator whenever we wanted. If we asked for a snack, a small amount of food eaten between meals, and our mother agreed to it, the snack choice(s) would be selected by her. If the request was made too close to mealtime, the response would be, “No, it’s too close to dinner time.” There would be no further discussion because we all knew that no amount of begging, whining, or cajoling would have even the slightest possibility of swaying her. Our mother said what she meant and meant what she said.
By eliminating the practice of “grazing” and placing the emphasis on structured mealtime, family dynamics change. In the past, families engaged in 2-3 meals daily with the evening meal typically being the largest meal of the day. Traditionally, the largest meal of the day included selections from all food groups (dairy, meat, fruits/vegetables, bread/grains). Popular television shows in the 1950s and 60s, such as The Andy Griffith Show and Leave It to Beaver, often depicted the family conversing about the day’s events while enjoying a meal at the dining room table. Over time, as daily life became more hectic, family meals began to fall by the wayside, along with many valuable lessons that were taught while gathered together at the table.
The dinner table is typically where children are taught basic table manners: eating politely, not speaking with their mouths full, saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, keeping their elbows off the table, and engaging in dialogue with others. Many children today are quite unfamiliar with these basic courtesies. Unfortunately, on most evenings, only about half of the families in the United States sit down and dine together as a family.
Advantages of the family meal do not stop with learning table manners. The benefits go far beyond the challenges of food preparation and rallying the troops. Researchers have noted that children who participate in regular family meals tend to have better nutrition, grades, vocabularies, and behavior. Additionally, they may be less prone to smoking, drinking, using drugs, eating disorders, depression, or risky sexual behavior—issues that have become increasingly prominent in society today.
When families regularly gather together around a table for a meal, the practice becomes a ritual. Common to all societies, rituals are crucial for reinforcing beliefs, behaviors, and values. The ritual of the family meal conveys that certain aspects of life are dependable. Having something to rely on fosters a sense of security, stability, and belonging. Gathering together for a family meal doesn't necessarily have to occur every night, nor does it have to be complicated; but it does need to be a regular practice.
Mealtime is also a great way to introduce children to chores. Even very young children can assist. Tasks such as setting and clearing the table, pouring drinks, sitting out ingredients for food preparation, and loading the dishwasher are all chores that give children a sense of purpose, inclusion, and value as a family member.
There is no time like the present to end the practice of 'grazing' at will. When children understand that 'no means no', the begging fades, allowing the benefits of moving in a new direction to emerge. From strengthening familial bonds to yielding positive lifelong lessons, committing to engaging in family meals on a regular basis is a tradition worth reviving.
Enjoy your meal!
© Sharon Knapp Lamberth, May 31, 2021
Enjoyed your article. Looking back, mealtimes were such an important and wonderful part of our childhood. I pray that all children can experience that bonding tradition within their families.