For countless numbers of parents today, child-rearing is a struggle. One doesn’t have to look far to find parents who claim that raising children is one of their greatest challenges. Child-rearing strains increase and become more pronounced when parents fail to make the most of family time. Due to varying schedules, weekday family time may be limited to early morning and/or evening, times not necessarily best for children. Divorced or separated parents may only be afforded time with their children on weekends. When discussing time spent with children, experts often emphasize quality over quantity. However, for many families, quantity and quality are lacking, resulting in both parents and children missing out on valuable time together.
Limited family time is a very real problem. Parents who work outside of the home may face extended morning and evening commutes that can lead to increased fatigue and stress by the end of the business day. Children may be greeted by an irritable parent who ends up scolding, arguing, cajoling, or bargaining in an attempt to maintain peace throughout the remainder of the day. Eventually, this recurring cycle can erode the very foundation of family life, with children bearing the brunt of the negative effects.
It is critical to establish the basic principles required for children to be responsible, respectful family members, students, and friends by the start of kindergarten. Though parents should continue to provide strong leadership until their children reach the age of independence, such will not be accomplished if daily life lacks meaningful family time. The good news is that change is possible.
As the saying goes, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” The “will” requires an unwavering determination combined with a positive attitude. The “way” requires implementing new, effective strategies that replace old ineffective ways of behaving and responding. Listed below are four practical suggestions known to yield amazingly positive results when the “will” and the “way” are implemented with fidelity.
4 Cs to Success:
1. Confess that the manner in which the family is currently functioning needs to improve. You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. Call a family meeting. As a group, identify what is/is not working in your family and commit to changing course. This step is essential to effectively setting a new tone, gaining support from family members, and establishing parental leadership. (Note: Revisit and adjust step 1 as needed).
2. Create a plan for success. Best to start with a few clear, simple changes that will yield benefits for the entire family. Listed below are two suggestions that have been proven to improve family life and lower stress levels:
Plan meals by the week (prepare and freeze ahead of time as much as possible). This can absolutely reduce anxiety and mealtime chaos (ex: M, W, Th - prepare meals at home; T, F – pick up or eat out). Engaging in meaningful dialog while sitting together can have multiple positive effects on family members, especially children. Make sure that mealtimes are designated as an 'electronic free' zone.
Establish a 'family chore system' to promote individual responsibility and build family unity. Assign each family member daily tasks according to their age and abilities (ex: set table, clear table, load dishwasher, sort laundry, load washing machine, fold clean laundry…). Checking off completed tasks on a Chore Chart provides a visual record that is particularly helpful for children. A manageable and effective family chore system can absolutely be a game changer in terms of lowering stress.
3. Commit to at least one family activity each week (ex: play a board game, spend time at the park, watch a movie together; wash the car, spruce up the yard, plant flowers…). Such activities promote family bonding, with shared laughter often a serendipitous byproduct.
4. Compliment family members. Engaging in positive gestures and comments daily encourages others and helps keep the momentum going. A handshake, pat on the back, or a simple “thank you” go a long way in creating and sustaining a more positive environment.
CONFESS, CREATE, COMMIT and COMPLIMENT: A user-friendly roadmap for families in need of meaningful change.
©Sharon Knapp Lamberth
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